Retold

A recent entry on my pal Mayren’s blog drew my attention to something called The Big Sit.  Basically, it’s a 90 day zen meditation challenge hosted by Tricycle, a Buddhist community.  I think I’m going to take part.  It’s highly involved, part of which I know for certain I will not be involved in, but the gist is that you take 20 minutes each day to meditate.  The other parts are all Buddhist spiritual exercises, like studying Dogen’s Genjokoan, listening to dharma talks, and committing to the sixteen Bodhisattva precepts.  The spirituality involved isn’t for me, though I did look into it to learn before and have learned that Buddhism is really very interesting.  The event officially began on February 23rd, so I’m a little late, but they say it’s okay to start whenever you like.  So even though it started 3 days ago, I’m still not too late.

Meditation is not a spiritual exercise for me, at least not in the typical sense.  For many, meditation represents a spiritual journey, a place to go outside the body, another dimension for the mind, a transcendental experience.  For me, meditation is a time to be completely alone in my own mind, a time to just think and contemplate.  It’s a time for me to be alone with my spirit, completely alone, and in that sense alone is it spiritual for me.  Meditation soothes the mind, they say, and I’m hoping that over the next 90 days that proves to be the truth.  I really need to calm my mind and my nerves and just try to live my life.  I’m so bogged down in the process of freaking out about everything that I have trouble experiencing life.  I suppose I just want to de-clutter my mind and I’m thinking this could be the best way.  I also find that lately, my memory is horrible.  Worse than usual.  I leave things undone, I walk into the kitchen to make water and leave it in there, then I wonder where it went.  I really need to do something to get back in touch with myself.  The Mayo Clinic even supports meditation as a way to reduce stress in your life.

There are a few problems, which add to my stress overall.  The first is that getting 20 minutes of total, undisturbed quiet is impossible in my house.  I don’t have any kids, obviously, but the phone rings off the hook, the dog barks at every little sound, the cat breaks an average of one dish a day, and Matt only talks to me when I want to be left alone.  20 minutes around here might as well be an hour …might as well be six hours.  The other problem is that Matt sort of scoffs at things like this.  I told him once that I wanted to get a fish.  When he asked me why, I told him it was because I find fish to be calming, serene, and I needed a calming influence, however small.  He laughed at me and to this day, I still don’t have a fish.  He’s sweet, but he can be supremely unsupportive of things he finds to be ridiculous.  I’m a little afraid to tell him about this because I’m worried it’ll be like the fish.

All in all, despite the potential problems, I think it could be really good for me.  I’m still trying to weigh it out because I’m still trying to get my life in some semblance of order.  I need a regular sleeping schedule, a regular exercise schedule (walking & yoga), regular eating habits (3 square meals a day and healthy snacks), a writing schedule, and now a meditation schedule.  I would really like to do the meditation at the same time every day.  Making healthy habits is top priority for me right now, even though I’m still struggling to make those habits, let alone making them stick.

One thing they do offer at Tricycle as a part of this challenge is the vows.  I think, though I won’t be taking part in the Buddhist element of this challenge, I am going to take the vows.  The vows look like this…

Body

I will restore my body by ________________________________________________

I will nourish my body by ________________________________________________

I will honor my body by _________________________________________________

Mind

I will work with my mind by meditating daily for _______ minutes.

I will study the Genjokoan by ____________________________________________

Spirit

I will renew my spirit by ________________________________________________

I will strengthen my spirit by ____________________________________________

The above vows come from The Big Sit challenge page.  I can either use theirs, or make my own.  I haven’t yet decided which it’ll be.  Vows are a way to dedicate one’s self to the process.  Dedication is something I always have trouble with.  I have trouble doing things all the way to the end.  I want to do this all the way to the end.  I’ll let you know what I plan to do.  I’m just a little concerned that in the midst of trying to make so many positive changes in my life, I may have skipped the baby step stage.  Who needs baby steps anyway?

Good night.

…(¨`·.·´¨)
…..`·.¸.·Kristyn