Retold

With my teeth hurting lately, I’ve been feeling pretty down.  It happens, but they’re bothering me more than they ever have before, which is making me more depressed than I have been before.  They’re starting to bother me less, since I laid off all sweets, but they still bug me.  Most of the time, it’s not so much pain as potential for pain, not to mention a crazy amount of sensitivity.  It’s driving me nuts!  When I’m down with something like this, it makes me think of all the other stuff that’s wrong with me, or that I’d like to change, it’s a vicious self-deprecating cycle.

Stuff I’d like to change always means my weight, without fail.  There are other things, like get organized because my house is a disaster, but my weight comes to the front of my mind.  I’ll be 32 this year and I feel like if I don’t do something now, I never will.  I tell myself that I’ll do something soon, but days turn to weeks, turn to months, and I don’t do anything.  Then, I get more depressed at times when I’m already low for one reason or another.

Then, I do the one thing that makes me feel simultaneously better and worse, I look at weight loss products, usually on the net.  Now, I have a thing for this.  I love to window shop for diet pills, it’s weird and obsessive, but it’s my thing.  I love how they all promise the same thing, a trim body, yet they range in cost from $10 to $200 a bottle.  Some of them really do work wonders, while others fail to deliver, but their websites always swear to you that if you just give them your money, you’ll be thin.  Will I take them?  I dream about doing so.  Take them all and instantly drop the extra weight, like it works that way.  In my daydreams it does.

Ultimately, I have to stop doing that (ha…  fat chance!!) because my problem’s not my weight right this second, it’s my teeth.  I’m trying to distract myself from the pain in my face by reminding my brain that I have other problems.  It works, sometimes, too.  What I need isn’t diet pills, it’s a dentist.  I think when my second disbursement of financial aid comes in March that I may go see a dentist just to find out what the damage is.  That way, I can judge what kind of dental insurance to get.  Believe it or not, dental insurance isn’t nearly as expensive as health insurance, but it has fairly substantial co-pays.  So, I need to take it one step at a time and step one is getting my tail into the dentist chair, where he can cringe at me.

…(¨`·.·´¨)
…..`·.¸.·Kristyn