Retold

You probably noticed but I’ve been making some changes.  I spent the afternoon, after my lazy morning, changing my theme at Pretty Pessimist.  I liked it so much, I decided to change the theme here, too.  The truth is I paid a $19.95 a year membership fee for Elegant Themes and I wanted to get the most out of.  I wouldn’t have paid for it, except that I really like the OnTheGo theme that I’m using at Pretty Pessimist.  Then, seeing this one, I really liked it too, so here it is — they have 6 pages of themes available right now (click the link on the footer if you want to see them).  I have to say, I had a bitch of a time making it work.  My FTP client didn’t want to install the images, so the theme kept coming out looking wrong.  It took me hours to get all the images uploaded to the right place, but I got it done.

This particular theme is available in red, green, blue, and purple, but it’s this one that I like the best.  So, here it is.  If you find any bugs, let me know.  I haven’t found any, but theme support is a part of the twenty bucks a year for the membership, which I think  is awesome.  I hope you like it, but I really am off to bed now. Good night (for real this time).

…(¨`·.·´¨)
…..`·.¸.·Kristyn

I spent a few hours this morning surfing around the net, doing nothing.  I have to say, it was really nice to do nothing for a while and not feel guilty about it.  After the week I had, coming back from California only to have an abstract and an annotation to write, and two books to read, meant that I didn’t have a lick of free time over this last week.  Thank goodness for weekends.  Tomorrow is Wrestlemania, which Matt has insisted he must have, so I guess we’re getting it.  While he’s doing that, I’ll probably work on my paper for American Lit which is due on Wednesday.  I usually write the paper for that class on Tuesdays, but this Tuesday I’m going to Waco to take the GRE, so there won’t be time to work on it then.

Anyway, I think when I go to Waco on Tuesday, I’ll take my netbook (sometimes I wish I’d gotten one of the hp netbooks, they’re so cute) and work on either an article of two for Suite101, or my novel, Remembering Tomorrow.  I guess we’ll see, it’s particularly hard for me to do anything while in a moving vehicle of any kind.  I get some serious motion sickness.  So anyway, I’m tired and it’s nearly 2am.  It’s time for me to go to bed.  Good night.

…(¨`·.·´¨)
…..`·.¸.·Kristyn

Would you believe that though I just got home from California, and am happy to be back with my husband, I’m feeling pretty low?  I don’t know what it is… or rather, I do, but I don’t know what to do about it.  Seeing my family was great, but I spent so much time hearing about the great jobs and houses and lives my relatives have, I’m feeling a little inferior.  How stupid is that?  (Hypothetical question, but here I go answering it) Pretty freaking stupid, I admit, but I can’t stop feeling that way.

The thing is, I know my life will pick up when I’m out of college, but it can be pretty depressing knowing that I’m 31 years old and really have nothing.  I think part of my problem is that I doubt it.  I have serious doubts about how things will go once we’re done with school and moved out to California.  Will we be able to make it there?  I don’t know, but I hope so.  Will we own a house before we’re 40?  Again, I don’t know.  Will we be able to pay our student loans, our bills, and put money into retirement?  Yeah, same answer, I don’t know.  So, I suppose more than anything, I’m feeling like I’m getting old and running out of life and should be on the way already, rather than stalled along the road.

When I finish my Master’s degree, I’m going to be almost 34 years old.  If we get out to California, and get going, and clean up our credit a little, we could buy a house by the time I’m, what, 36?  Yeah, maybe, but a lot of contingencies ride on that and there are a lot of issues, like the fact that we can’t agree on how we’d like to live.  I want to live in a condo, but I want a little yard for my dog.  Matt would rather live in a house.  I keep hoping I’ll change my mind, but the fact that we live in a house right now and I hate it, well, it doesn’t help anything.  I like apartments and condos… but mostly apartments, because I like the idea that if something breaks someone comes to replace it for free.  Yes, rent, but nothing extra, whereas with a house, you pay your house payment and still have to shell out extra money to fix things.  Of course, with a condo it’s largely the same, but you can change things, whereas you can’t with an apartment.  Okay, you see my point anyway, and I’m off on a tangent.

My whole point is, I feel pretty inferior to everyone else in my family (with a few very notable exceptions).  I told this to Matt, who was upset that I felt that way, and we’re working through it.  I think he’s seeing the urgency with which I feel like things need to get better.  I don’t want to live the way we’ve been living anymore.  I want to be close to family, with college behind us.  We’re working on it and I’m trying pretty hard not to be discouraged to the point of urgency until after the summer/fall of 2012, which is when we expect to be able to move away.  Matt’s been really supportive of my feelings, especially this afternoon when we had a serious heart to heart about how I’m feeling.

I love you, honey.

I really needed to talk that out.  If y’all stuck with me through all that self-pity and rambling, thank you.

…(¨`·.·´¨)
…..`·.¸.·Kristyn

I was cleaning out my suit case this morning and I found something weird.  Granted, this happens every time.  I found rocks in my suit case once, there’s always tags hanging from the thing from prior trips when I’ve flown, or taken the train (my preference, no doubt), but this time I found something I wanted to eat!  Granted, I didn’t eat it, but I wanted to.  Chocolate is chocolate, even if it’s 2 1/2 years old… okay, okay, maybe not.   So what was it?  Three of those chocolates that are shaped like gold coins, with the gold foiling.  They still smelled like chocolate, but when I opened one of them up, they were all white and chalky.

Let me reiterate, on a final note, I didn’t eat them.  I tossed them in the trash can in the bathroom where Anakin wouldn’t get them.  Along this thread, I’ve begun packing my things for my trip.  I need to get my behind in gear, too, because I have to leave at 4:15 a.m. on Friday morning, but I have a heck of a lot of stuff going on before now and then, including a two classes, a paper, and a mid-term — which is going to be frightening and which I’m very worried about.  Of course, before I can write a paper for tomorrow nights class, I have to finish reading the book.  I also have to go grocery shopping so Matt can eat while I’m gone and and do some laundry.  Gah, so much to do and so little time to prepare.

Hmm, wonder if I can get those gold coin candies at Wal-Mart at this time of the year?  Probably not, huh?  Ah well.

…(¨`·.·´¨)
…..`·.¸.·Kristyn